I wonder why when one is faced with life challenges; autism, developmental disabilities, whatever…..someone or something in the Universe seems to think that they can handle more.
Today I took my girl to the doctor to review lab results that were recently done at a specialist. Now, this may be way TMI, but I am on a venting, grieving, bitching moment so here goes. In addition to autism (PDD-NOS), and a significantly low IQ my daughter was born without a uterus. Now really, this is an amazing blessing in the BIG picture. In my ‘mother’ mind, my heart breaks for yet another reason my daughter will not get to experience a ‘typical’ life. Now that does not mean had she been ‘typical’ she would have chosen to have kids, but the option is out.
I realize really this is a good thing; no periods, no pregnancies. But I still grieve for the loss—probably my own issue here, my own loss of an idea, or a dream. The strangest thing when I am not grieving, I am actually GRATEFUL for the disability, the autism, the cognitive issues. She really doesn’t understand the impact of not having a uterus and therefore, will really not feel the loss. Weird to grasp that…She told me one day when we were talking about it (we had prepped for the period for years, so when this was discovered we talked about it), and she said, “besides Mom, I having dogs anyway”…LOVE THAT!
So, the doctor today was looking at the hormone levels; she is thick and has some pretty good body hair. We call her legs a sweater but may be a little too descriptive. So the hormones are way outta whack, could be the lack of uterus and the ovaries are going along just fine, or it could be other stuff–metabolic things. She has gained a good amount of weight this year and is just a rock solid, thick girl.
So the doctor explained the new med to control her insulin resistance—she is headed for diabetes and heart disease, according to her cholesterol lab results, if we don’t intevene. Then the grim news—high protein, low carb diet. I looked at my girl as she held tight to her stuffed bunny as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She was getting this conversation, she understood it.
The last, and I mean VERY last thing, that I want her to feel is another inadequacy. Not only does she struggle cognitvely, socially and academically, but now in her mind, her weight. Bless her little heart. I reminded her how perfect and whole she is and that this is only to help her live a healthy life and keep a healthy heart.
So we begin tonight with low carb/high protein foods, new meds, probable behavior issues as she detoxes and the frustration of yet another thing.
I suppose I need to look at the bright side of things–she is a rule follower and she will follow the written diet guidelines precisly. She will adjust. The boys are supportive. All is well. I just gotta let go of the image of the tears flowing down her cute little face….bless her heart.