more challenges headed our way

I wonder why when one is faced with life challenges; autism, developmental disabilities, whatever…..someone or something in the Universe seems to think that they can handle more.

Today I took my girl to the doctor to review lab results that were recently done at a specialist.  Now, this may be way TMI, but I am on a venting, grieving, bitching moment so here goes.  In addition to autism (PDD-NOS), and a significantly low IQ my daughter was born without a uterus.  Now really, this is an amazing blessing in the BIG picture.  In my ‘mother’ mind, my heart breaks for yet another reason my daughter will not get to experience a ‘typical’ life.  Now that does not mean had she been ‘typical’ she would have chosen to have kids, but the option is out. 

I realize really this is a good thing; no periods, no pregnancies.  But I still grieve for the loss—probably my own issue here, my own loss of an idea, or a dream.  The strangest thing when I am not grieving,  I am actually  GRATEFUL for the disability, the autism, the cognitive issues.   She really doesn’t understand the impact of not having a uterus and therefore, will really not feel the loss.   Weird to grasp that…She told me one day when we were talking about it (we had prepped for the period for years, so when this was discovered we talked about it), and she said, “besides Mom, I having dogs anyway”…LOVE THAT!

So, the doctor today was looking at the hormone levels; she is thick and has some pretty good body hair.  We call her legs a sweater but may be a little too descriptive.  So the hormones are way outta whack, could be the lack of uterus and the ovaries are going along just fine, or it could be other stuff–metabolic things.  She has gained a good amount of weight this year and is just a rock solid, thick girl.  

So the doctor explained the new med to control her insulin resistance—she is headed for diabetes and heart disease, according to her cholesterol lab results, if we don’t intevene.  Then the grim news—high protein, low carb diet.  I looked at my girl as she held tight to her stuffed bunny as the tears rolled down her cheeks.  She was getting this conversation, she understood it. 

The last, and I mean VERY last thing, that I want her to feel is another inadequacy.  Not only does she struggle cognitvely, socially and academically, but now in her mind, her weight.  Bless her little heart.  I reminded her how perfect and whole she is and that this is only to help her live a healthy life and keep a healthy heart. 

So we begin tonight with low carb/high protein foods, new meds, probable behavior issues as she detoxes and the frustration of yet another thing. 

I suppose I need to look at the bright side of things–she is a rule follower and she will follow the written diet guidelines precisly.  She will adjust.  The boys are supportive.   All is well.  I just gotta let go of the image of the tears flowing down her cute little face….bless her heart.


5 thoughts on “more challenges headed our way

  1. Oh Stacie, What a heartbreaking day. You are handling it great, it does seem like a blessing in disguise to be missing a uterus, although you must mourn the loss. I get that. And at least she will follow the diet and stay on track with that, most other teenagers would rebel. Lindsey has always been such a sweet girl, and she will be the mother to dogs, that was great!

  2. That is heartbreaking. So weird the justaposition of being relieved she doesn’t understand. But I also love her comment about having dogs. It was a very cool thing for her to say.

    And on a lighter note, I just realized from your picture (and post that mentioned Seven Falls) on the front page where you live! I grew up in Monument. My parents went to CC in the 50s and I ended up working there for a long time after going to DU for grad school. Husband and I got married in C. Springs, and Colorado will always be home.

    Small world that we found each other on the internet instead of in real life.

  3. I can’t begin to explain the amount of love and compassion that swells inside of me when I read your posts like this one. You say time and again how she reminds you to see life through a different lens. And I applaud your ability to do that. There are so many emotions tied to this. I just want you to know that if you need to feel and grieve and vent, you have every right. Because we all know you’re not going to stay in that place. Let yourself go there and go through that, and then come back to your life renewed with the ability to make the changes and adjustments that you need to. Very healthy. I think women tend to bear these burdens and punish ourselves for being weak when we take a moment to ask the why’s and how come’s… One excellent aspect of the new eating regiment is that it can include lots of fresh veggies! Also if you aren’t already eating Quinoa is makes a fabulous substitute for rice and noodles! And is high in protein to boot!… Also, Einstein apparently didn’t have a very high IQ at all. I think it was even labeled as low. Hang in there mama!

  4. Thanks for all the love and support!! we will be fine and as always, there IS a lesson in it….:) Peace and much love, S

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