The fear that resides in my girl can be at times gut wrenching and humorous all at the same time. The latest phobia is germs and getting sick. If someone in the family is feeling bad, there is the immediate worry–not for the health of the person, but if she will get it. That unique part of ASD that sometimes limits the ability to have empathy is so present around here.
Last night while on a walk, my girl got to pet a cow. She even fed it some grass. She named it ‘chocolate milk’ and there was pure joy spoken.
Until 9pm when I received my daily text, “mom, I am sacred” (yes, sacred=scared in her dyslexic mind). Sacred that she was going to throw up. Every night around 9m I get the same text. She needs the text back that assures her that she won’t. My credibility will be crushed if she ever does actually puke, but for now it satisfies the anxiety beast.
The text: do they wash the cows I just want to know
Then: I am sacred I am gonna get cow germs
Next, the bath tub was filling and all was well. I imagined someone “washing” the cows and reveled at the innocence of her. I laughed inside at the beauty of being sacred. And although the fears of germs and illness can be so limiting, this fear was so simple, so sweet.