If only

I took my girl for a pedicure today.  Most often, she goes alone….something that took months of backchaining skill development to consistently do independently. It was a process that she is now comfortable doing.  And yet, I am absolutely certain that if I took her to a different nail salon, she would not access the skills.  Boo to generalization.

Today was a day that I went with her.  We each sat into our respective pedicure chairs and began the process.  She loves to interact with the jovial workers who have grown to love her.  Aside from a few reminders from me to not be too loud and to not scream when the man scrubbed her heals, I was quiet in my own head.

I noticed a mother and daughter were seated across from us, each getting a pedicure.  It didn’t take long for me to soon be drawn into their conversation. I observed.  I witnessed.  I was astounded at the beauty of this. More,  I was keyed into the subtle things that probably most people would not notice as part of a mother/daughter conversation at a nail salon.

Notice I sure did.  I noticed the way the daughter looked at her mom while she was talking about her relationship with I suspect a boyfriend.  Talking about the integrity of the relationship and how she doesn’t want to get lost in it and how she wants to continue to explore who she is.  I noticed how she asked her mom questions.  I noticed the mother responses were loving and gentle. I noticed the way the daughter reached out and touched her mom’s arm.  I noticed how they compared ridiculous fashion from the magazines they each were glancing at between deep conversation.  I noticed how easy it was to talk about future, about listening to your gut instinct and about goals.  I noticed the laughter and the connection that was present.  I noticed the relationship.

And yes, I noticed my sadness.  My almost anger.  I noticed my feelings of loss. I noticed my feelings of jealousy.  I noticed my feelings of “if only”.

If only….not a usual place for me, but today was an “if only” kinda day.

If only…..


2 thoughts on “If only

  1. Pingback: Personal Care 101

  2. as usual you touched my heart and before you hit the “if only” I was wondering whether you were comparing as we do. And you did and my heart went out to you.

    Acknowledging the sadness/anger still rejoice that you and your daughter are also on a journey of love and relationship whether it looks the same or not.

    cheers again….Leesa

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