she says she was kidding….

A few days ago my girl was sharing with me that she was reading about the Titanic in her English class.  The conversation went something like this:

HER: ya, if I was on the sinking boat with Dad, I would not jump into the life boat.

ME: why not?

HER:  I would not want to leave him.

ME: And if you were on the sinking ship with me?

HER: I would jump in the life boat.

ME: And leave me?

HER: oh yah.

ME: (genuinely hurt)…really? You would leave me to sink?

HER: yah.

ME: That is horrible.

HER: I speak the truth.

Many times in our relationship she has said things that come out so unfiltered, yet I am mostly able to recognize that and move on.  This one hurt.  It wasn’t until she really looked at my face did she see the pain.  It was then she said, “I was kidding…”

I don’t think she was kidding.

It has now gone from a painful exchange to a joke.  When she asks me for something, I remind her that she better not leave me on that sinking ship or she would be outta luck!

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8 thoughts on “she says she was kidding….

  1. Don’t take her statement at face value because it very likely came from some deep inward conflict of her own that somehow makes her feel inferior. It could have nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. Just keep loving her and work on building her self esteem. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Ouch!

    I have found that when my son says things like “I hate you Mum, I want to kill you”, it usually mean that there is something else going on that’s unrelated and it often takes weeks even months to get to the bottom of what the *real* problem is.

    I’m sure you already know this though because you have been doing this whole autism thingy longer than I have. And I know you know this as you wrote that you are aware that things come out unfiltered- but unfortunately, even knowing all this doesn’t make it hurt any less :(
    ((hugs)).

  3. I don’t have personal experience with autism. If I said something that made you think so, I apologize. I am always saying “we” because I identify with others. I know “about” autism and that being a mom to a child with this problem is a real challenge. God has trusted you with his special ones that need a special mom. I know you are able with His help to bring out the best in your autistic beloved child. Even children that are not autistic may say things to hurt the ones they love, even their moms. You are not alone in being slammed when you should be hugged. :) Blessings to you, mom….

      • I pray for you and your family. I speak words of comfort because you need comfort and support. I’m not qualified to give you advice. I know you are a special person with a heavy load to carry. May God bless you and make you strong and fill your life with His joy.

  4. ouch mate :(! My boy, without disability, early this year looked at me seriously and said;

    “look mum you are just not as important to me any more.”

    He’d save his mates not me. It hurt I cannot lie. But I have been aware from the moment he was born that this would be an experience of intense joy and intense pain. And thats without the challenge of being clearly different.

    I thinks all we mums take these tiny arrows of pain sometimes.

    with loud and hearty cheers…Leesa

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