mindful

Over the last year I have lost and I have gained. I am struggling to make sense of the possible connection, or simply just find peace with the changes.

I have lost old stories, old beliefs and old patterns. Shed them like a very old and weathered satchel that weighed me down. Constantly there and influencing my decisions,  one by one I took each belief and each story and emptied my baggage.  Each time I was ready to let go of the old stuff, I looked at how long it had been carried by me and how it had weighed down my body and my being. The lightness that I was beginning to feel was exhilarating as I worked at emptying out my baggage.

As the year moved on and I was emotionally beginning to feel a lightness, I noticed that I was starting to gain weight.  At first I thought it was the end of a very stressful time.  Then I began to realize that I no longer was seeking relief from my painful life by spending hours at the gym.  I was more peaceful.  I found beauty in slowing down. I was no longer needing to escape.

Now as I look at my body I try to be gentle with my thoughts. While it is hard to face the reality of what 20 pounds can do to your wardrobe, I am willing to see that I am no longer burdened by the pain of carrying that heavy load of the past.  My life is wide open in front of me and I have the potential for anything.

Could it be that by releasing so much emotional baggage, my body has shifted? My body is now at peace?

I see positives in no longer seeking refuge from pain with extreme exercise.  I see positives in that my pace is a bit slower, I am less rushed.  I see positives in knowing that I am more balanced. I know positives as the heavy bag of burdens is much lighter with just a few items yet to deal with.

My work is now to accept and be mindful of my body and what I nourish it with. Not extreme, but mindful.

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2 thoughts on “mindful

  1. I experienced weight gain myself after the end of a long trial. The peacefulness seemed to make me calm and I enjoyed life again and food. Also, our metabolism changes with age as well as with circumstantial changes. We have to adjust our appetites as well. I am struggling with this. It is better to struggle than to give up. I keep myself from giving up by using my calculator. I say, hm, if I gain 5 pounds a year, in five years I’ll weigh 25 pounds more. I add that to my present weight and wake up to reality!!!! Ouch! Okay. How will I accomplish my goal? Well, I haven’t yet, but I will. I do so identify with you in this. Happiness is fattening. Ha! We must be good to ourselves. If we are not, we will not win the battle. I have learned this also. Smile at yourself.

    • Oh Carol, thanks for your words of encouragement…I wondered today if I am just in denial of my autoimmune disease reminding me of its presence…..errr….have a great week!

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