Interpreting fear

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear. -Richard Bach

The nightly dreams of my recent weeks have been consistent with my awake hours; both are filled with some sort of turmoil.  

In my awake state there is worry about my girl–I find myself entering into another cycle of grief as I anticipate her turning 18.  It is as if her life is being replayed in my mind over and over. I see the limitations more.  I worry about her future more.  I have tasks to complete that will be more reminders of the obvious–guardianship, SSI, and future planning.  Just this morning at a very familiar restaurant when we got to the front of the line when the magic moment arrived to order her bagel, she dodged behind me knowing I would save the day.  A reminder of how hard the simplest of things can be.

In my awake state I am thinking about the future. Both her future and my own.  I am making decisions that will effect everyone in my life.   I am at a point in the path where I can choose directions.  Each direction has wonderful things to see and experience.  Each direction also has changes.  And each can be experienced with love, or with fear.

As I enter into my nightly slumber, I ask that I am given something in my dream to help guide me.  I ask for clarity and I ask for peace.

During the recent weeks, in the dream state I am always with a baby.  Interpretation: change, newness, birth.  In the dream state I am often misplacing the baby.  Interpretation:  upheaval, loss, grief.  In the dream state I am sad, lost, scared and frightened.  Interpretation: feelings of loss, fear, grief.

I realize that I must let go of the fear.  I realize to let go of the steering wheel and let it be. I already know what it is that is seeking to be expressed.  I know what I want.  I know what to do.  It is when I get caught up in my mind that I lose the internal place of heart-felt peace that truly knows.

In this moment, I know that the girl will be okay.  I know that I will be okay.  And I know that all is well.

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