Listen to what you know instead of what you fear. -Richard Bach
The nightly dreams of my recent weeks have been consistent with my awake hours; both are filled with some sort of turmoil.
In my awake state there is worry about my girl–I find myself entering into another cycle of grief as I anticipate her turning 18. It is as if her life is being replayed in my mind over and over. I see the limitations more. I worry about her future more. I have tasks to complete that will be more reminders of the obvious–guardianship, SSI, and future planning. Just this morning at a very familiar restaurant when we got to the front of the line when the magic moment arrived to order her bagel, she dodged behind me knowing I would save the day. A reminder of how hard the simplest of things can be.
In my awake state I am thinking about the future. Both her future and my own. I am making decisions that will effect everyone in my life. I am at a point in the path where I can choose directions. Each direction has wonderful things to see and experience. Each direction also has changes. And each can be experienced with love, or with fear.
As I enter into my nightly slumber, I ask that I am given something in my dream to help guide me. I ask for clarity and I ask for peace.
During the recent weeks, in the dream state I am always with a baby. Interpretation: change, newness, birth. In the dream state I am often misplacing the baby. Interpretation: upheaval, loss, grief. In the dream state I am sad, lost, scared and frightened. Interpretation: feelings of loss, fear, grief.
I realize that I must let go of the fear. I realize to let go of the steering wheel and let it be. I already know what it is that is seeking to be expressed. I know what I want. I know what to do. It is when I get caught up in my mind that I lose the internal place of heart-felt peace that truly knows.
In this moment, I know that the girl will be okay. I know that I will be okay. And I know that all is well.