After another long day of pain and again a day filled pondering just what my body may be telling me, I closed my eyes last night and I asked for any amount of wisdom to come to me in my sleep.
After what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, I finally settled into the deep sleep that would allow my body to heal and for my spirit to be called back to a natural state of peace. Although it may be hard to remember, we all entered into this world with the pure innocence of peace and of happiness. It wasn’t until life began to happen around us that we learned what it means to be unworthy, disappointed, sad, or scared. Throughout our childhood and into our adulthood, tiny bits of the innocent spirit is taken away and we can either continue to allow those pieces to be stolen like bandits in the night, or we can consciously call back our spirit in a chance to renew and restore peace.
I woke with a startle as the birds were beginning to make their morning song. I heard in my head the words,”for every hour you give, give one to yourself”. Over and over I heard this. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I began to contemplate what that might look like. It could be an evening water aerobics class or taking a yoga class as a student. It might also be time behind closed doors with a good book or a walk in nature without dogs. Something completely and totally for me
Every hour I give to others, I give one to myself.
It was then that I thought about my life pre-yoga teaching. The summer days when I would take a long hike and then enjoy a morning water aerobics class followed by lunch with the kids and an afternoon of summer fun. The non-summer days I would walk after work, catch a class at the gym while the kids swam, or enjoy cooking a dinner at home. Long gone are those days when instead of planning what to do in my free time, my free time became time to teach another class.
In all the beauty that teaching gives me, especially to those that are impacted by life challenges or disability, it takes energy from me. It drains me. It is a constant outpouring. I went to bed with the intention that this morning I would be sending a letter notifying my clients that I would be taking a leave of absence from Yoga teaching. Instead I woke up with a sense that I should wait a bit longer on deciding that. Rather than eliminate what has been so good to me, give myself an hour for each hour I give.
This conscious act is a gesture of calling back my spirit. It is also a conscious act of renewing me, refueling me, and giving to me. I am thinking that this may serve me in a way that allows me to re-evaluate my teaching schedule and my self-care schedule. Whatever the outcome, I feel good knowing that each day I will be calling back what I have given away.
For every hour I give to others, I give one to myself.