Simply Stop

For as long as I could remember, I had an internal need to be busy.  It was (and is) comforting to be busy. The word need can easily become addiction.

I do not do well with being still;  watching television is hard,  a movie is impossible, reading is hit or miss–I typically do that before bed when I finally slow down, but before I can turn a page, I am sound asleep.

So what do I fill my days with?  Especially these days when I am off work for the summer (one job), and I have put my yoga business on hold.  When time is plenty?

Well, I battle the addiction that I have battled before.  The addiction to being busy is expressed through my other addiction–exercise.  Knowing fully well that this is the time for body to be healing, I am instead cramming in as many hours at the gym or on walks that I can.  Water aerobics, Zumba, Yoga, more water aerobics,  and water Zumba, and twice daily dogs walks.  All feeding my addiction.  I have even recently become aware that planning when I will go is as exciting as actually going.  Sick, I know.

And the price of all this??  More craziness and more pain.  Doesn’t seem to stop me, however. It was just two months ago, the Universe stopped me and since then I have been enduring pain, pain pills and limitation. To a person on the outside of the prison it would be clear to see that what I need to do is simply stop.

Well, try telling that to a smoker.  It is not that easy to simply stop.

When I am content and have had my fill, I can easily find that quiet space in my heart that says “you are busy because being still is too scary, look there”.  Before I can actually look there, it is time to go to the next thing.

Isn’t the first step to admit the addiction?


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