Knowledge is powerful. Within that power comes the awareness of things I cannot change, which in turn reminds me of the nature of acceptance. To simply accept the divine order of life.
Learning more about my girls deletion syndrome and all of the features that have shown up in her has been empowering. It is as if all the pieces of the puzzle have come together and each one fits ever so perfectly. One by one, each unique piece interlocks with the other to create a beautiful picture of my girl.
One the other side of the empowerment of learning is the pandora box of emotions. I spent the drive home thinking about the prevalence of autism in people with this syndrome, and the prevalence of this syndrome in people with autism. I felt some sadness as I looked back to all the years of wondering–all the tests, all the exams, all the speculations, and all the opportunities for hope.
I glanced down at the band-aid that covered my own blood draw and I wondered how I might feel if it is found that I am the carrier of this syndrome. The trickle down effect of the potential that her brothers too have been given this by me, resulting in them being asymptomatic carriers. The decisions that they may have to make. The feelings I anticipate I would have, yet nothing can be undone to change anything. It just is.
It is knowledge. It is an answer. It is divine order.