Walking towards the tiny little body to meet my firstborn for the first time, I cannot begin to describe the fears that were present. I touched his wrinkly skin and just stared at amazement. Just hours before he was inside me making his journey into the world. The nurse told me I could hold him–my heart racing I reached for his arm and lifted it such a gentle way I was sure that I was going to break him. What seemed like an enormous amount of time passing and my mind racing with panic, I finally blurted out to the nurse that I have never done this before. That surreal feeling of not knowing what to do and also knowing that in a very short time, I would be taking this little being home and I had better figure this out. That was 22 years ago.
Today he is a young man who is learning that life is one big opportunity to learn and evolve into something greater. Through some difficult choices, he has seen the bottom and is now venturing out into the sunshine of his life. Having learned the heartache of loss and the endurance needed to overcome adversity, he is ready to take flight.
My hope for him is that he always believes in his ability to have choice in how he perceives his reality. He can choose to a victim or he can choose to be empowered.
Together we have danced through our life learning from each other. The moment I let go of the fear of breaking him and the uncertainty to do the right thing, I fell deeply in love with him and we developed a rhythm that we continue today. I am so grateful for his forgiveness in my mistakes and his willingness to grow with me.
Happy Birthday Tyler.