Such scattered thoughts have existed within my mind these past few days. It has felt as though a gnat has been residing inside my head, constantly having me flick from one thought to the next.
The recent thoughts have included deep sadness for children and for this country, anticipation for the coming holidays, disappointment in my oldest son, uncertainty with my decisions for my girl, gratitude in the willingness of others, anger with the ignorance of some, and deep love.
All of those emotions within a period of 7 days.
As I reflected on the emotional ride of recent days, I was reminded of the power of the human spirit. And to encompass all these emotions on the eve of winter solstice, I find I am incredibly in awe of this experience of being a human and the ability to feel.
For it truly is the times of darkness that we actually can see the light.
As I sat in a chair today while my girl had an echocardiogram done to determine if the genetic syndrome has also in fact effected her heart, I was stuck within my thoughts of the human experience. I saw her as the 18-year-old that she is, and then I saw her as the aging woman that she will become. I saw her lying in the hospital bed–glancing at me often–and I wondered to myself, “what will become of her”. I saw the innocence of her young-mind in her lack of concern for what she was having done, I saw in her the sweet presence of someone who lives with no ego. I saw in her the purity of living within a world that seems to not see the evil.
So again, my girl is the portal for me experiencing life in the present. Every emotion that I have experienced in the recent week have been exactly right. Each emotion has been perfect for me as a living, breathing, and experiencing human being.