It has always, always been easy for me to give. From the time I was a little girl I found that giving things, giving my time, or even giving away my ‘self’ were ways that I sought out to be loved. There were conditions to being loved and I had a story in my head that it had to do with among others things, how much I gave. Well after a lifetime of giving, and struggling greatly to receive, the tank became depleted and empty.
As I have recently been focused on healing and on balancing my life, I have rediscovered being a student of yoga. Fully embracing myself in my practice, recognizing my limitations, and opening my arms wide open to receive the bounty of euphoria that comes from the final pose. Oh, the sweetness of savasana. For me, it is as if I am broken completely open and my only purpose is to receive. It is the most glorious of moments. I simple lie on the floor with my heart beating, my body resting, and my inner state of being flowing.
And I receive. I receive the quiet, the settling, the wisdom, the images of past and present, the awareness. Sometimes I lie there and am startled by the calmness that exists. Thoughts race through my head that question how can I be experiencing this state of calm? And then I take a breath in, and I receive.
As I roll up my mat, I know that I am moving into a newly discovered territory within myself. I am opening up the doors to a new space of balance within me. I am steadying the scales of giving and receiving. I am embarking into a deeper sense of myself and my purpose. I am learning that being loved is not conditional. I am experiencing what it truly means to be worthy and to love myself.
Receive. It is so worth it. I am so worth it.