The Visits

Several years ago when I had begun to awaken, I was a virgin in my thinking about post-death, lifetimes, angels, guides, and all that whoo-whoo stuff that I once held a judgement about. Over time as began to step out of my ‘tribe’ thinking and discover for myself my own beliefs and ultimately truths, I started to have a heightened awareness of my self and my spirituality.  Opening myself up to any potential and embracing the connection of all, I believe that I have allowed my current experience to be even more magical.

I notice first the cold rush of air.  A similar sensation when someone walks by in a rush wafting the air with a breeze.  This cold air sticks around and always, always I feel this only on the left side of my body. (note I have moved to every corner of the room, reversed my head and feet, covered my arms, looked for the location of the air conditioner unit, etc)  Next, I notice the enveloping sensation of a soft and cozy comfort. Almost as if I am being placed softly onto an enormous soft pillow and sinking into its comforts.  And then his voice; healthy, vibrant, strong and so reassuring.  He tells me the kids are going to be just fine.  He has happiness and peace in his healthy sounding voice.

The cold air circulates my left side body.  The softness of my body sinking deeper into my mat.  And my eyes release tears–no emotions, just tears.

The first time I had this “visit”, I was startled.  I cried. I woke from my relaxation/meditation and attempted with my mind to make logical sense of this happening.  I questioned or rationalized that I must have dozed off since in the beginning days following his death I often dreamt of him.  And then it happened again.  And again.  And again.

What do you need, I ask one early morning in my 5:30am yoga class.  Forgiveness he says.  As I was laying on my mat, completely relaxed, I was having this two-way conversation with him.  I say there is nothing to forgive.  The air was cold.  I felt the air move away. In my mind, I call it back–wait, wait.  The rush of air returned.

I experience this magic at the end of my yoga class when my body is completely relaxed. Complete.  My body, mind and spirit are totally at ease.  I am open. I find myself looking forward to these visits.  I have a connection that I did not have when he was alive.  I feel such happiness for his soul experiencing peace.  The cozy comfort is the knowing that he is free.

I hesitated to share this with my youngest son yet I knew that he would get it.  When I shared with him my experiences, he smiled and said he has frequents visits too.  My youngest is an old, old soul who is open and wise.

I know that in time, the visits will lessen as his soul makes peace with his life choices while he was here.  I know that the unfinished business he has with me and with his son will be made complete.  For now, I love the visits.  I love knowing that I am inherently aware and able to receive.

And I am so grateful that I began to awaken years ago.

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