While it has not always been easy, I have come to believe that the special qualities of my girl require no more inquiries as to why. I know that for some, looking for a cause or a place to put blame soothes their aching heart. For me, I know for certain that I do not blame immunizations for my daughter’s development delay and autism. I also do not blame myself for signing the form to allow the nurse to give them to her, nor do I blame the doctor for educating me on the value of immunizations.
Instead, I blame the developmental delay and the autism.
I blame autism and developmental delays on learning how to live in the present moment. I blame autism on showing me what it means to live without an ego. I blame developmental delays on teaching me how to celebrate the simplicity of watching her learn how to do her own pony tail at age 20. I blame both for reminding me that I have no control, and that is perfectly fine. I blame autism and developmental delays on cracking open my heart with compassion.
You see, had she been born typical–or developed typical–or whatever side of the fence you stand on, I would not have been nudged through the rich experiences that have nurtured my soul.
It was my girl who held the door for me, and without words said, “Come along Mom, this is why you are here”. I blame autism and developmental delays for that.