This was not just about losing weight. This was about reclaiming my life. This was about peeling away the layers and layers of armor that eventually led me to reveal my true self—not just in physical form, but in the complete essence of myself. My truth.
Certainly I am proud of my weight-loss and development of healthy habits, but I am more proud of the discovery of who I am. Not only did I shed pounds, I let go of unwanted and unneeded thoughts and beliefs about myself. I began to take ownership of my decisions and choices.
While I spent years clearing out the dark corners of my soul, I was creating space for an emerging of light that this discovery would soon change my entire world. I eliminated clutter in my physical world and in my mind. My thoughts went from distorted and unhealthy to clear and deliberate.
So long ago, I did not see the sadness in my eyes. Perhaps the sadness was hidden behind the demands of raising three young children. I easily put my needs last. One might say I did this out of fatigue, but I see now I put myself last out of necessity. I was not ready or yet capable to start the process of eliminating the walls I had created. Hidden behind the extra 80 pounds was a woman just beginning to ask the questions one asks when on the verge of waking up.
The more I asked, the more I lost. The most I lost, the more I gained. The more I gained, the richer my life became. The more space I cultivated within for the quiet whisperings to be heard. The expansiveness of my soul became the soothing balm rather than food and fear.
I recall in detail the time when I began to wake up from the long slumber of self-neglect. I was walking on a cold spring day and I began to hear the thoughts of peace enter my mind. I started to change the way I thought about my life and myself.
In an instant I took ownership. I claimed my health, my body, my spirituality and my purpose.
And just like that, my life began to change.