Going Home

I am literally going home for the holidays and so much more.  In a few weeks I will be purchasing the house I was raised in and making it my own home.  Returning to the familiar spaces and the decades of memories, I will be coming full circle.

As I look at the divinity of this opportunity I am reminded again and again that there is such a plan, or a map, that we so often cannot see and yet, we try so hard to plan and navigate this plan by usually pushing and pulling.  Really, to let go and allow life to unfold is the lesson I return to over and over.

When my girl was young and the disability was becoming more and more evident,  I saw in my mind a home someday where there would be a “house with a house”.  A small cottage for her to live as independently as possible and yet be close enough to be supported.  A house with a house that shares a yard for her dog and for mine. A place to grow.

My soon to be new home has this.

When I began to wake up and when I realized the importance of my spirituality, I visualized a space for mediation, yoga and stillness.  Each place I have lived in recent years I have created a scared space for practice. Yearning for less chaos in my life and more time at home, I have been seeing how to increase my home studio sessions and create a large yoga space.

My soon to be new home has this.

While I have been on the path to self-discovery and healing over the past decade, I have spent hours in therapy and delving deep into a variety of self-help books. I have travelled to distant places to bridge a broken place with my father.  I have set boundaries with my brother and I have begun to see the tender side of my mom.  I have nurtured the little girl within me by taking up dance, being more playful and recognizing the wounded places.  I have been very active in healing what needs to be healed and looking for opportunities to continue to allow light to come through the shadows.

My soon to be new home has this.

As an adult, I have found nature to be so grounding.  Getting lost on a trail or muddying up my hands in a garden are the connections to nature that soothes my soul.  I have anticipated a home near nature and with a yard that will feed me in this way.

My soon to be new home has this.

I have envisioned a space for me to consult others on their journey.  I have begun to work more with energy work and look to take my teachings that direction.  What better place to assist others in healing than in my childhood bedroom space? Four walls that will bring me back to my purpose.  My little baby body sleeping in that 12×12 room, the young girl dreaming her dreams,the awkward teen wanting to be seen and the woman who once packed her things and left.

In all senses of the phrase “going home”, I am.  I am going there.  There has always been this plan, or this map–I just did not realize the roads that I would travel to make my way home.


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