Over the course of the last five years, I have struggled greatly with a nagging back injury that comes and goes with an intensity that reminds me of the fragileness of my body and yet also fades just as quickly, which leads me to sadly forget that very lesson.
I am again in the cycle of chronic pain. This time it is one that is vicious in its intensity and relentless in the duration. Weeks and weeks of chronic, debilitating pain that literally brings me to my knees. Writhing in pain more than being comfortable, I have leaned into it with a tenacity different from times before. For the most part, I have surrendered. I have accepted it as it is and have done my best to just be with it. Gracious in my efforts, I have mostly stayed in the present moment experience and have eliminated the thoughts of fear that typically take over.
In understanding that fear, or specifically fear of scarcity and unworthiness, I have resisted the urge to tell that story. Rather than allowing fiction to take over my life, I have stayed in the story of the now.
Right now, I hurt. Right now, I have plenty of money. Right now, I am seeking medical attention. Right now, I my yoga practice has minimal asana. Right now, I am walking with mindfulness. Right now, I am okay.
As I tread in these familiar waters , I am grateful that this time as I am doing so mostly without panic. The fear of the unknown remains just that. In the meantime, I am openly asking for guidance as to next steps and how to move forward on my path of service and sharing what I believe to be the way–grace and gratitude.