Time

One of the greatest insights that I have had throughout this experience of healing is that time is as equal, if not more equal, as money.

For as many years as I can recall, I have had the disease of being busy.  Some of it is that I love my work and honestly enjoy what I do.  It can also be explained as deeply seeded thoughts around my value and worthiness being directly related to how I busy I am, resulting in that I have struggled with saying no to work.  Another aspect of my need to be busy is that I somehow have believed that my needs/desires/wants/deserving are less than everyone else’s.

Keep in mind it isn’t as though I am a greedy or money hungry person. In truth, I live quite simply.  I had no debt until this recent episode of medical expenses and facing the reality that when you are self-employed, no work means no money. I bargain shop and live frugally by occasionally going out to eat and rarely shopping.  Of course, the reality is my busy schedule does not lend itself to hours spent at the mall or a luxuriously slow meal.

Until now.

On my last week of medical leave, I have spent hours looking at my current schedule and eliminating what does not feed my soul.  Getting rid of the unnecessary trips in the car.  Purging the craziness of being overbooked.

Making space.

Making space for time on my patio.  For reading a book.  For lounging around with my love.  For naps (what??). For life’s pleasures.

Because in the end, it is not going to matter how busy I am.  What will matter is that I had time to enjoy life.

 

 

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