Forgiveness

As whacky as it may sound to some, I believe this to be the absolute truth and the divine nature if one is willing to see it. Open your heart and your mind as you keep reading.

I recently ordered a little hand-held device that uses your bodies own frequencies to determine what essential oils are needed based on the matching frequencies of the plants. It is fascinating technology and if you’re curious you can read about it here. If you live near me, I would love to scan you and share more about the emotional and physical benefits of essential oils.  My personal fascination with the emotional side of plants and oils has been years in the making and this little device has validated what my intuition has often sensed.

Since I got my itovi scanner, I have consistently scanned for the same five oils: myrrh, thyme, digestion blend, forgiveness blend and roman chamomile.  Turning to my handy little emotion book, I read that each of these oils hold a common theme as it relates to forgiveness.  Diving deeper there are aspects of anger, resentment and the need to let go. Each morning that I sat down to scan and then saw the results my immediate thought is that I do not have anyone to forgive and that I do not feel anger towards anyone.  I applied  and diffused the oils and went on with my day.

Last night as I laid in bed, I asked that a dream be revealed to me that would guide me or show me what I may need to know.  When I woke up this morning, my first thought was that nothing showed up in dreams.  And then, I sat down to meditate and it hit me.

Immediately the familiar sensation of cold air down my left arm was felt.  The enveloping fog that is icy and brisk that I have sensed since the death of my children’s father. The first year of his death, I had this sensation daily but as the years have gone by, it is much less frequent and less intense for the most part. Until this morning.

As I sat with the sensation of cold on my left side, I realized that I have been aware of my building resentment for the burdens that I feel my life has.  The biggest burden relates directly to him. The lifetime of parenting by  myself; celebrating the successes, watching the heartbreaks, worrying about the future of my girl, seeing my boys in pain, financially supporting myself and them and all that goes with being a single momma.

All alone.  Certainly I have wonderful people in my life who love and support me, but the other parent is gone.  And he always was gone, even before his death.  It has always been just me.

Over the years, the seeds of resentment for him have grown into full-blown weeds that I often spend time pulling. No matter how much plucking I have done, the weeds still grow.  It has been awhile since I have been intentional with clearing out the feelings of resentment, so this morning I sat with him and allowed him to be present.  I let the resentments bubble up until my heart was empty from the last 27 years of memories that triggered me to feel this way.

Then I spoke to him and I forgave him.  I spoke ‘I forgive you’ over and over.  I wrote to him in a letter in my journal and then I sat in silence again allowing all the dark and murky pain to slowly drift so that a lightness and spaciousness could fill me.

I realize that we have to come back around to forgiveness time and time again. Sometimes it is a lifetime.  I am okay with that.  I am curious to see in the coming days if I scan differently and even more, if there is a lightness to both my heart and my physical body as it relates to pain. I know that the oils that I keep scanning for also relate to physical pain and the loss and grief I am experiencing from my two major hip surgeries that just don’t seem to heal well.  I believe so much in the mind/body connection that it all makes sense to me.

Awesome whoo-whoo stuff, eh?

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Forgiveness

  1. Stacie, this is one of the most crucial posts I’ve read from you. “No matter how much plucking I have done, the weeds still grow.” My own list of need-to-forgives is very long. A recent divorce is only one element among many. But I can give the same testimony to the practice as you describe here. Pluck, every day. Every single day. I pluck those weeds of resentment. And when I pluck, I bless. I bless the names and faces and the lives of the people I am so tempted to hate. Then, the next day, I seem to turn around and those weeds are threatening to be in full bloom again…so I pluck and bless again. I wish for them a peace that will lead them beyond the things they have done to me. This process has led us to see that “forgiveness” is never a moment, a solitary, do-it-once event. It is a journey; a journey that will continue for the rest of our lives.

    And how grateful we are when we realize that this practice prunes and protects our hearts from ever being a tangled and ferocious bramble of thorns ready to rip any movement toward love, joy or peace. This practice of forgiveness is perhaps the most beautiful, the most life-giving, the most heart-securing we can engage in.

    By the help of your testimony here, may there be more and more who find this true way!

    Live blessed.

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