Truth Is

Truth is this post takes grit to write.  Truth is I am courageous enough today to be transparent. Truth is this is me. Truth is I trust that this will open a conversation for someone else.  Truth is I am in the middle of a battle that I never thought I would armoring up for.

This is the battle that you might see on the evening news and conjure up some of your own thoughts and ideas about the people the news refers to.  The opioid crisis that our country is under is not just the addicts on the streets willing to do anything for their fix.

The crisis included people like me.

For over four years I have had a slew of health related issues that have brought me to where I am at today. I have had knee surgery, two episodes of herniated discs in my lower back, a major foot reconstruction, a revision to the foot surgery and three hip surgeries.  Unknowingly each specialist prescribed me pain medication following each procedure, and now here I sit with a dependency and tolerance that puts me right in the statistics of the crisis.

I am not one that takes medication easily or irresponsibly. What I have come to know is that these chemical can take over the receptors in the brain within a matter of weeks.  Although my surgical pain is lessening, my brain has developed the capacity to send pain signals to other parts of the body in the hopes that I take the drug.  And no matter how much my cognitive brain knows that this is occurring, the symptoms of withdrawal trump any ability of the mind.

Flu-like pain.  Runny nose.  Anxiety.  Shaking.  Glassy eyes. Pale skin. Panic. More pain.  Horrific pain.

I take the medication and within thirty minutes hell is over.  At least for awhile. And the cycles begins again.

You see, I am not the picture of a drug abuser, or an addict.  Instead I am a middle-aged woman doing everything in her power to maintain her life; work, passion, relationships, motherhood and daily living. I am mindful and aware. I meditate daily and journal often.  I eat super clean and walk everyday. I connect with God on deep levels and I trust in my path.  I strive to embody light each and everyday.  I am a person of service. And I am also in battle.

Truth is 4 out of 5 opioid addictions are people just like me.  People who just want to go about their life and unfortunately life shows up in painful ways.

Truth is I am ready to win the battle and climb the mountain that is ahead of me.  Truth is I will come out the other side of this.

Truth.  I choose to speak it.




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