My Roots

The last seven days I have experienced countless moments of deeply rooted memories.  My senses have been flooded with timeless encounters from my childhood into early adulthood.

My feet touch the sidewalk in which my sweet grandmother and I used to walk along.  My nose takes in the smell of the trees and the old homes.  I hear the different songs of the birds and the quiet sounds of a street called ‘Pleasant’.  I see with my eyes my first husband’s home where years of memories lay within the walls.  I stand on the bridge in which I once walked over to begin a new life.  I listened at he sounds of trash trucks in the alley. I stand in awe a the vision of the mountains nearly close enough to touch where my feet have walked miles and my eyes have shed many tears.  My hands brush across trees that are decades old. I drive by the sight of the park in which my fear of difference was unlocked. And I experience the steady knowing that the house I lived in when I was born is just two blocks away.

Like paving stones on my path I see that each one has a pivotal role in my life today.  Without them all laid out as they are, I would not have been able to circle around to this experience.  A completeness about my life.  Going back to my roots, my beginnings.

Each day, I take this in. And I am incredibly grateful to look back at the ribbon of my life and see all the magnificence that has helped me to arrive here today.

The gift

Sometimes I get lost.  I get lost in my own thoughts and in my hopes for something to be different.  I get lost in the ‘doing’ of life rather than the being. Sometimes I am so future-thinking that I lose my grasp on the moment of now.  Planning, organizing and hoping are sure ways for me to become lost.

And then the divinely guided angels come into my life and pull me back into the now.

This particular angel has not only offered me a glimpse of what a brother-sister relationship could look like, he also holds the light of awareness that I sometimes neglect to carry.  With a complete and raw state of being genuine, he said this to me: “You were created to share. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given”.

Whoa.  Talk about a stop-you-dead-in-your-tracks statement.

Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. 

Several days have passed and I am finding myself looking deeper and deeper into that statement.  It made me wonder what other gifts have I been given that I have neglected to accept. I look around at those in my life and wonder if they too are accepting their gifts.  I wonder how many individuals close off those inner gifts and suffer endlessly with a sense of being lost or unworthy.

Knowing, understanding and then using these gifts will be the portal to staying in the present and staying alive with life.  I know that when I become lost in my thoughts of future, of planning, or of worry, it is that statement that will be my mantra.  It is the thread of gratitude that exists in my very being.  It is my truth.

Thank you for accepting the gift you were given. 

 

 

Lessons of faith

Fear:  distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.  

Faith:  confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

Prior to about eight years ago every area of my life was faced from the place of fear. I managed all of my decisions from the place of impending threat and I lived much of my life afraid. To manage this fear I would spend an enormous amount of time configuring different scenarios in my mind with various responses to whatever scenario may or may not play out. My internal dialogue almost always included the word if.  (If this happens, then I will do this.  If that happens, then I will this. If he says that, I will say this.) To have an internal dialogue that includes the word if is most certainly not living in the present moment and definitely living in fear.

Then slowly, I began to awaken. I began to see that my life and every event in my life is perfect in its unfolding. It seemed that as I began to awaken, I started to hear the internal wisdom of my self that offered a comfort of the present moment and a reminder of faith. I began to hear the silence of my own knowing and the internal dialogue of questions subsided. I began to be confident in the truth.

Over time and continued vigilance, I started to shift how I would experience events in my life from a place of fear to a place of faith. In doing this, I began to know peace and great joy. I saw the events in my life–even the most heartbreaking–as divine and beautiful opportunities for me to gain wisdom, forgiveness, love, and acceptance.

Recently, I had been wrestling with a very difficult situation in my life. Unaware that I was back into my old pattern of useless internal dialogue, I was spending a very large amount of my time and energy playing out in my mind as many possible future-based scenarios that could possibly occur. If, and what if, and then if, and if.  Fear.

Recently I woke with a jolt and I heard the softness of my self telling me that every other aspect of my life I face with faith.  The voice suggested I would find peace when I hand this difficult situation over to faith. I might also find perfection.

For days leading up to the moment where I was to face this situation, I practiced seeing this situation through the eyes of faith. I saw that every aspect of this situation as perfect.  I trusted in the unfolding and the timing. I began to not only see this with faith, but I felt it with faith. I no longer had fear. I lost the word if. 

I opened up to the light of faith and let go of the darkness of fear.  And all is well and perfect.  I was given a great opportunity to learn and to be reminded to face all things from a place of faith and that everything happens for a reason.

Let go of fear and embrace faith.

To fear is to expect punishment.  To love is to know we are immersed , not in darkness, but in light.~Mother Theresa

 

 

 

a good reminder

Sharing space and Yoga with elderly people has become my latest, and possibly greatest, adventure. I am awed at their eyes and the stories that they speak without words.  I am amazed at the willingness of some and the stubbornness of others. Mostly I am grateful.

I am humbled by their presence.  I am saddened at the realization that my newest Yoga student is nearing the end of her road.  I am blessed that I get to walk alongside her in the spirit of Yoga and in showing her that she is indeed valuable.  I am honored to hear her sing a song she wrote…It went something like this:

“have you ever stood atop a mountain and watched the eastern sun come up/have you ever stood in the barren land of a desert and watched the colors cover the land/have you ever gazed across the plains to see the colors cover the grains/have you ever stood on the beach to see the sun slowly lower beneath the horizon”~Audrey

She reminded me that too often we miss the beauty that is right within our sights.

A good reminder.