Conscious Complimenting

In an effort to keep growing and complete a project, I embarked on a ten day journey of “conscious complimenting”.  I realized that I tended to avoid people and even more I tended to avoid interaction.  I found I was often hiding behind my label of introvert, I justified being aloof and distant.  In wanting to work on this area of my life, I chose to embrace ten days of conscious connection.  Here is how it went:

Ten Days of Conscious Complimenting

Criteria: must be a stranger, must be genuine.

Goal: to be fully engaged in seeing another person

Day one: I thought about this all day but when I was prepared to compliment someone I felt stifled and I didn’t do it. As the day went on, I missed opportunities.  At the end of the day, I was speaking with someone from my class and I complimented her first on her cool yoga bag, and second on her strong and yet respectful feedback that she shared she have the gym. Reflection: this was harder for me than I thought. I felt nervous when I had opportunity to compliment.  I felt disappointed in myself that it took such mental effort. Tomorrow is another chance.

Day two: I felt drawn to little people today. Seeming to notice children everywhere. When I was walking into a building a young boy about 3 was tip toeing on a set of stones, balancing. I told him he was doing a great job balancing. He smiled a giant smile at me. Reflection: I felt joy today as I watched young children. They are so free in their expressions, bit yet conditioned. I felt happy telling the little boy he was magnificent.

Day Three: Today I complimented the lady at the coffee shop. She is a person who is always happy and upbeat. I mentioned that to her. Reflection: as I am going through this experiment I find it easy to move thru interactions without true awareness. Instead, it is the nonsense chatter that occurs day-to-day. By being mindful I am more aware of this nonsense and seek to have meaningful interaction and connection.

Day Four: I saw an old colleague at the coffee shop this morning. He introduced me to his daughter who was visiting. I felt like my dialogue with her was present and mindful. Rather than complimenting her, I told her that it was nice to meet her and that I had heard about her. I was genuine and it felt really good. Reflection: I have hidden behind the introvert wall (excuse) and have avoided interactions with others. In doing this I have realized that there is a beautiful reciprocal dance that can take place when one is intentional and mindful.

Day Five:  When I was leaving a coffee shop, a lady came in dressed like sunshine.  She had one a bright orange top and the most happy, floral shoes ever.  I told her that her shoes were amazing. She smiled a huge smile and said a genuine thank you.  Reflection: Seeing the woman’s smile and face light up made me feel really happy inside.  I felt good about the spontaneous, unthought compliment that I gave.

Day Six: I did not meet my objective today. While I spent hours with my fellow yoginis and we shared feedback, I did not consciously compliment a stranger today.  I did say hello to someone at the gym however, which is not something I normally do.  I liked the smile that we both shared. Reflection: I am beginning to open myself up to the random communication and interaction with people.  I find that I may have come across previously as distant and while I can remain authentic, I am able to extend myself to others and that is a reciprocal feeling of goodness.

Day Seven: I met a new person in my yoga class and I connected with her prior to class. I thanked her for coming and made effort to see her. I thanked her for her sweet energy and willingness to show up. Reflection: I felt good about giving her my presence and my acknowledgement. I find that by being more engaged and present with others, I’m becoming more mindful of my extension of myself and the reciprocity of give and take.

Day Eight: today I saw a woman at the gym and she had on the most wild, amazing tights. I told her that she was rocking them. She smiled so big. Reflection: it feels so good to be aware of others and through my words,  make people happy.

Day Nine: I met with a parent today that I have not seen in many years. Her son is coming into out program and to see her nervousness and anxiety about the transition is great. I complimented her on her willingness to see the services available and to be a parent who over the years has never given up. Reflection: it feel good to see someone parent to parent. I have walked her path and know what it’s like. I felt good acknowledging that.

Day Ten: Today while I was ordering my lunch, I intentionally made light conversation with the person who was taking my order.  I complimented her on her hair and our conversation about it made us both smile and laugh.  Reflection:  It is easy for me to connect to someone who I am familiar with, but I am finding great joy in extending myself, and making someone feel valued and seen through conscious communication.

Final Reflection:  At the beginning of this experience, I had to put a lot of mental thought into reaching out to a stranger through communication.  At times I felt great anxiety as to what I would say, and more if it would be genuine.  I realized after a few days that it was becoming easier for me to be spontaneous and I did not have the fear or anxiety that I did on day one.  I began to feel that I was more present with people when I took the time to have a meaningful interaction, or at the minimum, I made a connection.  This will be something that I continue to grow and nurture as I feel it is the basic need of being seen, done in a beautiful reciprocal action.

 

Observing

When an introvert spends her entire week off  from her day job giving and giving and giving and giving bad things can occur.  It all seemed so logical when I said yes.  I said yes to three luncheons, I said yes to subbing a gazillion classes, I said yes to extra stimuli.  It is one thing to go to IKEA when you introvert tank is full, it is another to do so when you are completely depleted.  Add in a noisy peanut infested, babies crying steak house and it is a wonder this gal did not end up on the news.

All kidding aside, it is a remarkable moment for me to be the observer of my madness.

Maybe it is my yoga training or maybe it is the integration of meditation, journaling, and a yoga practice that has offered me this beautiful gift of observing.

As I was walking this morning, I was feeling myself on the verge of tears.  Walking, I recalled all of the energy sucking events–while ALL beautiful–of my week.  I also noted that the week did not include a single walk in nature or time alone that was off my mat which are typical ways that I find myself. Rather, it was a week of constant output. Not once did I refuel my tank the way that I know how to.

The tears never fell as I walked this morning, instead I marveled at my ability to observe.  In that observation I was able to step away from the feelings of sadness and take in all the beauty of my life. The love.  The opportunity. The sharing of my life.

And I found great and  magnificent solace on my mat this afternoon and while sinking into a glorious bubble bath.  I am refueled and oh, so content.

Solitude

Fully

I have blogged about being an introvert in the past but recently I have been internally exploring more about my tendencies to withdraw and my habits of privacy. My needs to slip into the background and be unnoticed.  I have even asked myself if my choices to exclude my family and friends from the personal details of my life are driven from the place of an introvert or something else, perhaps a need for protection.  Over time I believe that I have I learned to protect myself from the criticism of others–especially certain people in my family who find pleasure in being hateful, and yet, I find myself still haunted by past pain.

When looking at my external habits one might argue my introvert qualities–yoga teacher, regular Facebook status updates, jobs surrounded by people, etc.  But with my recent internal exploring,  I have begun to see the safety in those external behaviors.  Kind of like the yin of the yang, I have learned to balance the demands of the external, or extrovert qualities, that exist in me while knowing that the retreat inward is where I truly find peace.  Giving the world a little bit of Stacie, while shielding my heart with thick armor.

I ask myself  if  the protection of being shamed and of judged is my motivator for my choices rather than some introvert quirk.  While that very question slips into my mind, the light bulb goes off in my pretty head and I realize, why do I put value in what others think?  Haven’t I crossed the bridge of shame and judgement enough in this lifetime?  Is it not time to let it go? Again?

Yes it is time to let it go. Again.  It is time to fully embrace who I am–the choices, the quirks, the qualities, the wonder that it is me.  It is not about introvert or extrovert.

It is about accepting me.  Fully.

The Introvert

I marvel at how simply returning to what is natural to me can evoke an understanding, or even a new discovery, within myself.  It is almost like an old, heavy coat has been taken off and now I feel lighter and more comfortable.  The heaviness that I was unaware of has been lifted.

This morning I walked alone in nature on a familiar trail that allowed me to turn inward.  Not having to worry about the twists and turns of the trail, my mind was open to anything, which allowed me to look within. As I walked along the rocky terrain, I realized that there have been some key elements in my life that I have neglected to care for.  I realized that the very essence of who I am has been hidden beneath that heavy old coat.

I am an introvert.  I need solitude in order to remain in harmony. I need to be lost within myself for periods of time in order to refuel my energy.  I need to be in nature.  I need to be surrounded by the glory of the Earth to bring forth my recognition of abundance and aliveness.  I need to be alone.

I realized as I intentionally chose a trail that would take me to the depths of the canyon where few hike, that I have neglected to nurture this element of who I am.  Instead, my daily walks of late have been often rushed and along busy streets.  I have also began to wear headphones whiles walking, and though the lectures and music I have listened to have been fulfilling in their own way, I have stifled the sounds of nature and of my own thoughts.  I have brought into my walks external sources, and in doing that I have not fed the needs of my introvert essence.

As I walked along the trails today, I felt a sense of my own inner girl walking along with me.  I remembered as a child, I had few friends and  would often spend hours alone–and I did so happily.  There was such freedom in being alone on my bike with the wind in my face or sitting in my back yard with my dog. While I contemplated this history and I reviewed the patterns of my life, I realized that I have always preferred to be alone and that for my entire life I have sought out solitude to refuel my spirit.

However wonderful the reminder of what it is my spirit needs, I also realized that being an introvert has made friendships a challenge for me throughout my life.  I prefer to be alone and with that preference it can make relationships and friendships difficult.  For some it may seem lonely to not be surrounded by friends or have a social calendar that is constantly filled.  For me it is comforting.  And yet, there is a part of me that has a desire to have a meaningful friendship with someone, especially a woman.  I yearn to share things and to have someone who I look forward to being with. I observe with awe what others experience and yet there is something that I maintain as cautionary.  Is this the nature of an introvert?  Or is there a fear present that keeps me from being fully engaged with another person? Has the need to be alone been a strategy to remain safe?

I continued along the trail pondering myself as an introvert. Some may ask how can I possibly be a Yoga teacher and a declared introvert at once?  Standing in front of a group of people with all eyes on me may appear to go against what some may think an introvert is.  And yet, what I learned on my walk today is that while I am an introvert,  I am also called to teach.  Perhaps teach is not the word that I would choose, but rather I am called to scatter seeds and to offer a new way of being.  And while I do get up in front of a group and expose myself to others, I know that it is my calling and my purpose. Somehow that feeds me and it supports me.

More than evaluating or desiring something different in my life, during this time in nature I felt a deep connection to myself. And I learned.  I learned I need to be alone. I need to be in nature–it is as natural to me as breathing.  I learned I need to bring myself into harmony by being alone, so that when I am with others I am more grounded and more open to the gifts that relationships can bring.

And I learned that being myself–introvert and all–is perfectly okay.

Me and a trail

As I made my way along a trail through the trees and canyons on a  sunrise hike with only my pups as my companion, I realized (again) how important it is for me to re-fuel the introvert that is me with solitude, with silence, and with introspection.

Getting lost is easy for me, especially when I am in constant output mode.

I realized today the importance of nurturing myself.  For me nurturing is finding myself lost in thought, lost in the present moment feet on the trail, noticing the sounds of the morning birdsong, seeing the sun peek over the horizon, and simply being.

I realized the importance of me and a trail.