Tizzy train

I rarely get myself into a tizzy over things, especially around my girl. Really, the tizzy train moved on years ago, yet it seems a visit to the children’s hospital can make the tizzy train come roaring back on the tracks toward this station.

The discussion of genetic testing sparked the emotions that often lay dormant within me. Sure, we have done this a few times, but sitting in the exam watching my near 18 year old girl cry because she cannot articulate where the pain in her body is can be an incredible reminder of disability. The doctors reminding me that while it is great that I don’t really care what the genetic “it” is, it would be useful information to know. In his words, useful to understand lifespan and outcome. And useful for her brothers. Ya ya…I get that, but lifespan?? Really.

Her books were stacked closely to her. She was more worried about stopping for lunch than anything else. I wondered to myself, geez this is familiar. Like each time we went to Denver in the past for testing, consult, evaluation, therapy, research….the same. Books and food. And often tears.

So today was a day to process, make more appointments and watch my thoughts as the train of tizzy rushed near. I know that it will pass by and life will go on and we will continue to do what we do……all with books, tears, and food.