The question of selfishness

Years ago I discovered possibilities within myself through the practice of Yoga.  I certainly learned about my physical body, but more, I found that Yoga was like peeling away the layers of a lifetime of unwanted beliefs and thoughts. It was there that I was able to discover the inner essence of who I am.

My own Yoga journey has travelled through many valleys and peaks. There have been months where my personal practice was lost within my teaching practice and I rarely unrolled my mat outside of a class I was teaching.  Fed by the energy of giving, it took something big for me to see that I was completely off the balance that I had once intended to find through Yoga. Through a significant injury months ago, I learned that I was tipping the scale of giving and receiving which left me not only evaluating my Yoga journey but also aspects of my life where I was perhaps bogged down with undiscovered burdens.

I woke this morning asking myself what does it mean to be selfish and how does this relate to Yoga. Webster’s dictionary tells me that to be selfish means to be devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests , benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Upon reading this, my mind immediately jumped backwards in time to a period in my life when caring for myself did not happen. Period. I recalled how awfully miserable I was to myself, but more, how awfully miserable I was to the people around me.  Becoming selfish was the greatest things I have ever done for myself and my family.  It was during this quest for selfishness that I found Yoga.

The question of selfishness and my path of Yoga became deeply intertwined this morning. I considered what it might be like to no longer teach Yoga.  I imagined my beautiful Yoga business that brings Yoga to people with disabilities coming to an honorable end.  I thought about how my personal practice might return to a more consistent part of my life.  I wrestled with the notion that no longer giving to others in the form of Yoga just might be the steps that await me. I heard the little whispers of myself nudging me to listen.  I reviewed the divine events that have led me to this day.  I began to let go of the notion of how I thought it was going to be.  I considered that this may be the door that needs to be opened to recall the value of being selfish….or as Webster says “devoted to or caring only for oneself”.